Freud Was Right
The truth is that All Men Are Perverts and All Women Are Lustful, only they are too ashamed of it thus they express it in covert sexual symbolism and repressed desire everywhere, everytime, with everybody. Not only is everyone Jesus in purgatory — everything is about sex.
Two Heterosexual Life Partners who spend a lot of time together and enjoy each other’s company? They’re really gay. Damsel In Distress being mentally tortured by a sadistic villain? He’s really raping her. Two girls smile at each other? They’re really thinking about having sex. Overprotective Dad has reservations about letting his daughter be independent? Instant Squick! Big Brother Instincts and their siblings? It’s symbolic of incest. Biblical patriarchs, creepy father figures, rebellions and guys who just don’t get along with their dads? It’s about sexual rivalry between sonny and daddy.
You heard Freud.